the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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