So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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