I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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