we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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