Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize