put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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