thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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