I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize