What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
your like the ambassador to my penis.
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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