p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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