we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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