Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
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I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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