Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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