i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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