haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize