The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
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I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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