so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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