That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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