don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm really busy with my period
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