So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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