Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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