capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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