I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize