Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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