Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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