How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize