dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize