Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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