Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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