The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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