just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize