These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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