so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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