im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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