I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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