College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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