so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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