girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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