I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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