I think i peed on brittanys purse
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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