i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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