He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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