For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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