I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This girl is more easily done than said...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize