What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize