I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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