I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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