hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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