my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize