she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize